So, I’m sitting at my laptop preparing to send my daily “COUNTDOWN TO CLEVELAND INDIANS FANTASY CAMP” email…. “ONLY 75 DAYS…”. Sports Center is on in the other room. I’m barely paying attention as the names Vick, Tebow, Polamalu drift through the air. Then another name hits my ear. La Russa. “Tony La Russa has just announced his retirement 3 days after leading his St. Louis Cardinals to the world series.”

I grab my phone and compose a quick text to my friend Scott Bailes. You may recall Scott (LHP) from his playing days in the 80s and 90s with the Indians, Angels and Rangers. He is a current employee of the Cards AAA ball club, the Springfield Cardinals.

Me (10:24 am): just heard that tony la russa announced his retirement. now there’s the job opening for you!

SB (10:25): did you hear about the titanic or the hindenberg?

Me (10:29): love the celine dion song (my heart will go on). puts a lump in my throat.

This nonsense goes on for quite a while, eventually including references to Miley Cyrus and her dad’s hit song “Achy Breaky Heart” (this song DOESN’t put a lump in my throat), Davey Crocket, Howdy Doody, Bob Feller,…. And on, and on and….

SB (11:00): Babe Ruth just passed away, 60 years ago.

Me (11:04): someone shot President Lincoln!

Me (12:37): Christopher Columbus just discovered a New World… 519 years ago. thought you’d want to know.

SB (12:40): Tony LaRussa just retired

Me 12:41): no way! what next, we put a man on the moon?

O.K.. I think you get the picture. We’re a couple of idiots.

Me (5:43): dressing up as tony la russa 2night… wearing street clothes… he hung up his uniform you know.

SB (5:50): He is doing a great job managing the white sox. Bailes 10 Schubert 1

Scott is pretty clever for a ball player. He came up with that joke in only seven minutes.

Moving forward, I am out on the the front porch with a scotch and a caldron full of Twix, Snickers, Kit Kats, etc.. The first trick or treaters are moving around the street in the near-darkness. Dodging the ghosts, power rangers, and ninjas is a husband and wife. They are out for an evening walk. They look to be in there mid 70s. I do not recognize them.

As they pass on the side walk in front of me, I can not control myself. “I love your costume,” I say.

They are not in costume.

“Excuse me,” the man replies. They pause and look up at me where I stand on the porch in the glow of 9 jack-o-lanters.

“You are dressed as Tony La Russa, aren’t you?”

“What?”

“Do you know the name Tony La Russa?”

“Sure,” he says.

“Did you hear he retired today? Hung up his uniform. He’s probably dressed just like you are.”

“Wait there,” he asks. “I want to tell you something.” He walks through the fallen leaves. As he arrives at the front steps I can see he is smiling.

“My grandfather spent most of his life in baseball. He was a player with the Cleveland Spiders, the White Sox, St. Louis Browns and a few others. He coached in the big leagues, and eventually ended up a scout with the St. Louis Cardinals.”

“My jaw dropped. “You’ve got to be kidding. What was your grandfather’s name?”

“Joseph Sugden. You can look him up.”

I did.

And you should too.

http://tinyurl.com/qzjroh

Batting practice was wrapping up and Stanhouse emerges from the Dodger’s dugout and he is walking about in a random fashion both antimated and jocular in his actions with all whom he comes into contact with.
However, everyone on the field seemed to be doing their best to ignore him.
So Stanhouse wandered near the batting screen and the next thing you know – he’s climbing the screen … and higher and higher he climbs … and he’s not coming down … and one coach and then another are standing beneath the Fullpack trying to talk him down.
And the more they plead … the more it seems Stanhouse is enjoying his new found power.
He was up there … way up there … clinging onto that screen for awhile.
The creases on the inside of my fingers began to ache in empathy as time wore on.

Never before or since have I seen anything like it in a ball park, but it did make me think about Jimmy P.

Soon enough Don was relaxing in his pool in Las Vegas – collecting his Dodger checks.

So FULLPACK you get my vote dude.

Ha ha!!!

That shit is priceless.

I like how the shift from unfazed to fazed, if that’s what actually happened, mirrors the shift to ALL CAPS.

I’ve been thinking he would be a very interesting interview, in some ways the quintessential Cardboard God. Consider:

1. He came up through the system of the best team of the early 1970s (A’s).

2. He played for one of the worst teams of the decade (the Rangers), who then got good with the arrival of Billy Martin. Also while on the Rangers he was on hand for 10 cent beer night.

3. He played for the only team from that era that no longer exists (Les Expos).

4. He played for arguably the best team, start to finish, of the decade (the Orioles).

5. And on top of all that, he was FULLPACK.

I hope he finds me so I can ask him about all that before he punches my teeth in.

The messages seem to contradict each other… the first claims that nothing you can say can faze him, while the second seems distinctly fazed.

If FULLPACK tracks you down, Josh, ask him about the “Launching Pad” at Olympic Stadium, as previously referenced in this blog.